Day by day I constantly seek God for guidance. If not for my savior, I'd give up. I'm nothing without Him. I'd have been dead long ago. I'd have given up. I cry out daily for His strength, His hand, and his mercy. This song speaks to me. I'm learning that reaching out to others is futile. Only God grants me peace and the ability to keep going despite the odds I face. I often don't know what God is trying to teach me amid my frustration and anger. Sometimes I can't see through the bitterness. I want to be more like Him, and yet day by day I'm so human it disgusts me. My heart is hard to many who've harmed me. I find forgiveness something I want to grant others but I do not know how.

God, I need you, now.

I sometimes wonder what's wrong with me. Am I depressed? Am I oppressed? Am I possessed? Am I repressed? Why am I such a dichotomy? I am easily stressed, easily frustrated, easily angered, and yet I feel as if I am not allowed to feel anything by anyone around me without being lashed out at or told I shouldn't feel that way or that I'm not dealing with things in a healthy way. This is my only outlet because I sometimes don't understand what God is doing with me or what His purpose is for me. I just can't seem to balance everything perfectly yet I feel such a tremendous expectation of perfection from every direction. I tend to put those pressures on myself as well and yet I know I'm far from perfect and will never do anything perfectly. My heart is heavy and I can't seem to find peace at times. How do I fully surrender? Why do I feel like crying all the time? It's a roller coaster of emotion that I sometimes just want off of.

When I look at myself, I feel disgust, hate, and rejection. How is it that I feel this way knowing that God loves me right where I am? His grace is sufficient, yet I don't feel deserving. I don't deserve it. None of us do according to scripture. Grace is given freely not earned. Why can't I grant grace and forgiveness and love like Jesus? Why am I so hardened  by this life and the pain? I am saved by grace and Jesus's blood covered my sins past, present, future....and yet I'm still in this place of, well how do I explain it....

Am I playing the blame game? Please God, a little perspective....

Weakest hours

I still believe.

So Thankful

I am loved by my creator. His grace is sufficient. He hold my hand, carries me, and removes my worry. In Him, all is possible and none are overlooked. Praise be to God! Do you know my savior?! He can be yours too!

I live a twisted existence.....

Up and down and inside out
My God,He loves me there's no doubt
He takes my.hand and leads me straight
And disciplines when I'm astray

Do you know the love I know?
Does your heart just yearn to let it show
Unto others what peace you own?

They may turn or walk away
They may reject God's own face
But love them through and don't retreat
God will water the smallest seed!

Thank you Lord for loving me!
I want to show others just what I see!

The Lord Liveth

I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised So shall I be saved from my enemies

The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted

I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised So shall I be saved from my enemies

The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted

I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised So shall I be saved from my enemies

I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised So shall I be saved from my enemies

The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted

The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted

Petra

I love this song!!!

"Give Me Your Eyes"

Looked down from a broken sky

Traced out by the city lights

My world from a mile high

Best seat in the house tonight

Touched down on the cold black tar

Hold on for the sudden stop

Breathe in the familiar shock

Of confusion

And chaos

All those people goin' somewhere

Why have I never cared?

Give me Your eyes for just one second

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing

Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Step out on a busy street

See a girl and our eyes meet

Does her best to smile at me

To hide what's underneath

There's a man just to her right

Black suit and a bright red tie

Too ashamed to tell his wife

He's out of work, he's buyin' time

All those people goin' somewhere

Why have I never cared?

Give me Your eyes for just one second

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing

Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

I've been there a million times

A couple of million eyes

Just move and pass me by

I swear I never thought that I was wrong

Well I want a second glance

So give me a second chance

To see the way You've seen the people all along

Give me Your eyes for just one second

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing

Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Give me Your Eyes (Give me Your eyes for just one second)

Lord, give me Your eyes (Give me Your eyes so I can see)

Everything (Everything that I keep missing)

That I keep missing

Give me Your heart (Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted)

For the broken hearted (The ones that are far beyond my reach)

Give me Your heart (Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten)

Lord, give me Your eyes (Give me Your eyes so I can see)

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah



Lord God,

I just lift your name higher and higher daily. Despite my mistakes, despite my sins, despite my carelessness. Despite my hurt, despite the pain, despite my illness, despite all the hurt this world wishes to infiltrate into my mind and heart.....I will continue to chase after your call. Freedom is here, freedom in you. My heart aches for your word, and your voice in my life every single day. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night just to praise you and to give you my utmost love and admiration through song or thoughts, or just the cries of my heart. In the loneliest days, I feel your embrace. I see YOU in the rain, and in the splendor of the mountains, clouds, I feel the presence of the holy spirit envelop me in my tears and sorrow, and they give me comfort. Abba, you are my inner strength and voice that guides my daily steps. I pray you remove people from my life who are toxic to the YOU inside me I'm fighting to show daily. Please surround me with those that have a heart to serve you. I pray you bring those into my life whom I can touch in some even slight way with the love you've given me to share and spread to others. I pray you bring mentors and leaders who speak words of encouragement and lift up your name and help me walk closer to you. Thank-you Jesus.
     My heart longs for right, and good, and justice and peace and Love for all. If everyone just loved everyone and dropped all the negativity that comes when we are human and we make mistakes in communication, seeing their true hearts.....and that they have pain too.....what a different way our relationships would blossom. Lord God, I pray you give me your desires and open my eyes to loving others as you do. Help me focus not on my pain but others'. I praise you for every blessing you give me daily. I praise your name and lift you up for the God that you are and that you love me one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. I thank you for bringing precious Kim into my life. I praise you for bringing Rich into my life. I know you have used them in ways in my life that they themselves are unaware of. I pray you bless Kim, and bless Rich in their daily lives. Give them your desires and fill their needs in you. Speak into their hearts and look on them in favor. You know my heart Lord, even in the dark corners and the pain. Thank you for always having your hand on me.
       My prayer is that your word and your breath in me leads me to parent more patiently, lovingly, in order to raise children who seek to serve you. I pray for opportunities to show them who you are, and how you love, and how we can love others fully without expectation. I am blessed with these children and I know you have a plan for each of them. They are wonderful, and your creations and my heart overflows with joy and love for them.
      My love for others never ceases despite the pain and angst they sometimes bring unknowingly. I pray for Neal and that you will convict his heart and lead him to you. My prayer is that your hand will intervene in a miraculous way. Lord I trust you know what you are doing and have a perfect plan, although as a human I can't fathom the good you may bring out of such pain and heartache. So many I love and miss and long for a deeper relationship with that I just have to let be and love them where they are....despite my inability to reach them.
     My father, I pray you bridle my tongue and shut my mouth when I open my mouth to speak negative things or to complain. Remind me daily, moment by moment that I am yours and my words need to reflect that in every situation, in every conversation. The unrequited love in my heart brings tears and sorrow and bitterness at time. Please remove the bitter thoughts and help me see others through your eyes. Help me see their pain and their hurt so that you can guide me to speak into their lives or touch them in some way that will remind them that You are in control and that this world does not hold precedence or power over our hearts, minds, and souls. You have created each of us wonderfully. You have given each of us unique gifts and talents that we sometimes are so clueless about.

       Show me the gifts you have given me, help me use them better to serve you daily. Speak to me in every thought, word, and deed my father. Fill me up with the holy spirit so that I may shine bright among men and demonstrate what it means to belong to you, by choice.  Forgive my many sins my friend, my savior, and hold my hand through this rocky path in this carnal world. Guide my steps one by one and give me clarity in direction for my life. I walk blind, and Your hand is all I need to steer my course. I love you my God. Thank you for sending your son so that I may be free. Ultimate freedom. I will never be the same.


You child,
Erica

Ohhh, Ohhh

The future comes alive
You speak your word and I
I'm running into your hope

Because I've seen your light
You bring my world to life
I'm coming after your love

Cuz I'm not shaken
I'm not not letting go

And everything comes alive
In my life as we lift You higher
Let Your freedom arise
In our lives as we lift You up
Sing it out
Freedom is here

So take the limits off
No matter what the cost
I'm running after your call
And I will run this race
See you face to face
Let your power overflow

Cuz I'm not shaken
I'm not not letting go

And everything comes alive
In my life as we lift You higher
Let Your freedom arise
In our lives as we lift You up
Sing it out
Freedom is here
Your freedom is here

I will not fear
I will not hide Your love, your love
All of my life
I can not deny your life

And everything comes alive
In my life as we lift You higher
Let Your freedom arise
In our lives as we lift You up
Sing it out
Freedom is here
Your freedom is here
Freedom is here
Your freedom is here