I still believe.

Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
So Thankful
I am loved by my creator. His grace is sufficient. He hold my hand, carries me, and removes my worry. In Him, all is possible and none are overlooked. Praise be to God! Do you know my savior?! He can be yours too!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I live a twisted existence.....
Up and down and inside out
My God,He loves me there's no doubt
He takes my.hand and leads me straight
And disciplines when I'm astray
Do you know the love I know?
Does your heart just yearn to let it show
Unto others what peace you own?
They may turn or walk away
They may reject God's own face
But love them through and don't retreat
God will water the smallest seed!
Thank you Lord for loving me!
I want to show others just what I see!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The Lord Liveth
I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised So shall I be saved from my enemies
The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted
I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised So shall I be saved from my enemies
The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted
I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised So shall I be saved from my enemies
I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised So shall I be saved from my enemies
The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted
The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted The Lord liveth and blessed be the Rock And let the God of my salvation be exalted
Petra
I love this song!!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Lord God,
I just lift your name higher and higher daily. Despite my mistakes, despite my sins, despite my carelessness. Despite my hurt, despite the pain, despite my illness, despite all the hurt this world wishes to infiltrate into my mind and heart.....I will continue to chase after your call. Freedom is here, freedom in you. My heart aches for your word, and your voice in my life every single day. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night just to praise you and to give you my utmost love and admiration through song or thoughts, or just the cries of my heart. In the loneliest days, I feel your embrace. I see YOU in the rain, and in the splendor of the mountains, clouds, I feel the presence of the holy spirit envelop me in my tears and sorrow, and they give me comfort. Abba, you are my inner strength and voice that guides my daily steps. I pray you remove people from my life who are toxic to the YOU inside me I'm fighting to show daily. Please surround me with those that have a heart to serve you. I pray you bring those into my life whom I can touch in some even slight way with the love you've given me to share and spread to others. I pray you bring mentors and leaders who speak words of encouragement and lift up your name and help me walk closer to you. Thank-you Jesus.
My heart longs for right, and good, and justice and peace and Love for all. If everyone just loved everyone and dropped all the negativity that comes when we are human and we make mistakes in communication, seeing their true hearts.....and that they have pain too.....what a different way our relationships would blossom. Lord God, I pray you give me your desires and open my eyes to loving others as you do. Help me focus not on my pain but others'. I praise you for every blessing you give me daily. I praise your name and lift you up for the God that you are and that you love me one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. I thank you for bringing precious Kim into my life. I praise you for bringing Rich into my life. I know you have used them in ways in my life that they themselves are unaware of. I pray you bless Kim, and bless Rich in their daily lives. Give them your desires and fill their needs in you. Speak into their hearts and look on them in favor. You know my heart Lord, even in the dark corners and the pain. Thank you for always having your hand on me.
My prayer is that your word and your breath in me leads me to parent more patiently, lovingly, in order to raise children who seek to serve you. I pray for opportunities to show them who you are, and how you love, and how we can love others fully without expectation. I am blessed with these children and I know you have a plan for each of them. They are wonderful, and your creations and my heart overflows with joy and love for them.
My love for others never ceases despite the pain and angst they sometimes bring unknowingly. I pray for Neal and that you will convict his heart and lead him to you. My prayer is that your hand will intervene in a miraculous way. Lord I trust you know what you are doing and have a perfect plan, although as a human I can't fathom the good you may bring out of such pain and heartache. So many I love and miss and long for a deeper relationship with that I just have to let be and love them where they are....despite my inability to reach them.
My father, I pray you bridle my tongue and shut my mouth when I open my mouth to speak negative things or to complain. Remind me daily, moment by moment that I am yours and my words need to reflect that in every situation, in every conversation. The unrequited love in my heart brings tears and sorrow and bitterness at time. Please remove the bitter thoughts and help me see others through your eyes. Help me see their pain and their hurt so that you can guide me to speak into their lives or touch them in some way that will remind them that You are in control and that this world does not hold precedence or power over our hearts, minds, and souls. You have created each of us wonderfully. You have given each of us unique gifts and talents that we sometimes are so clueless about.
Show me the gifts you have given me, help me use them better to serve you daily. Speak to me in every thought, word, and deed my father. Fill me up with the holy spirit so that I may shine bright among men and demonstrate what it means to belong to you, by choice. Forgive my many sins my friend, my savior, and hold my hand through this rocky path in this carnal world. Guide my steps one by one and give me clarity in direction for my life. I walk blind, and Your hand is all I need to steer my course. I love you my God. Thank you for sending your son so that I may be free. Ultimate freedom. I will never be the same.
You child,
Erica
The future comes alive
You speak your word and I
I'm running into your hope
Because I've seen your light
You bring my world to life
I'm coming after your love
Cuz I'm not shaken
I'm not not letting go
And everything comes alive
In my life as we lift You higher
Let Your freedom arise
In our lives as we lift You up
Sing it out
Freedom is here
So take the limits off
No matter what the cost
I'm running after your call
And I will run this race
See you face to face
Let your power overflow
Cuz I'm not shaken
I'm not not letting go
And everything comes alive
In my life as we lift You higher
Let Your freedom arise
In our lives as we lift You up
Sing it out
Freedom is here
Your freedom is here
I will not fear
I will not hide Your love, your love
All of my life
I can not deny your life
And everything comes alive
In my life as we lift You higher
Let Your freedom arise
In our lives as we lift You up
Sing it out
Freedom is here
Your freedom is here
Freedom is here
Your freedom is here
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
You alone know my heart and my desires. You alone know me in my deepest, darkest days of despair, you alone bring healing. You alone provide the friendship, companionship, and love that fills my heart and satisfies my loneliness. Thank you Lord for being my everything. Forgive my sins of thoughtlessness, of anger, of jealousy, of being of this world and conforming. You remind me daily than I am more than my weakness, my flesh, and capable of so much more when abiding fully in you. I love this song!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Thanks be to God
Lord I lift you name on high, open my eyes...I wanna see you.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
My healer....I cry out.
I am sick, you know my needs God.....heal me oh Lord Almighty....
Thank you, Jesus.
Santa today.......
Managed to get two motorcross helmets for the kids, a chest.protector and some riding pants....
Thankful for my two beautiful,healthy, wonderfully energetic loves! My kids are a monumental part of my growth. Lord, prepare me as a parent, make my way your way, and help me raise my children to know you!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Colds! Yuck!!!
So, today I have a sore throat, I'm sneezing like crazy,I am experiencing post nasal drip, and it is no fun! So, I took all my supplements, mutivitamin, drank some oj, and my ginger,green tea, garlic, honey concoction, so I pray I am feeling better soon......and Lord, please protect my kiddos from getting sick!
I need to work!! I can not afford to get sick, and I do not have time!!
Below I posted pics of the kids with their advent Calendars Grandma Dixon sent!!! And the Christmas outfits and shoes I picked up today!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Jesus + Nothing = Everything
9% through Jesus + Nothing = Everything by Tullian Tchividjian on Kindle for Android! http://www.amazon.com/kindleforandroid/
What an amazing book, just in the first few pages. An awesome supplement and pleasure read to my daily bible readings. I can't wait to blog on my daily journey, new understandings, and share what He is doing in my heart.
All I need is Him. Simply: God,Jesus,and the Holy Spirit...the three that is one. My Creator, my savior, my redeemer, my love, my rescue,my healer. All that God is, is All that I need. Praise Him!
A random praise.......
As I wake at nearly 1 am, I feel a sense of joy, and peace, and contentment. Praise be to God my Father almighty, Jesus, my redeemer, and the holy spirit that moves me!
I in Him, and Him in me....there is no sweeter love than thee.
He takes my hand and leads me straight, and greets my heart when I awake.
There is no greater love than thine,
It's rare, It's precious, It's His and mine.
When I look down and fail to see,
My savior simply waits for me.
His way is easy,His yoke is less...
My yoke is heavy, my way's a mess.
When life leads me down my selfish path, my consequence is sin's own wrath.
God delights when I praise Him, look up, give up, and turn from sin.
His gentle hand points me home and I am safe where I belong.....
Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice so I can live more freely in you, and KNOW our God and His love in exactly the fashion He planned. My greatful heart rejoices to be free from the slavery that is sin.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The Chaos that is me....is a love that knows not how to be expressed effectively.
I'm not going to sugarcoat this, it's been a hot mess of chaos where I've felt most days I'm spinning out of control with no direction, and no gravitational pull, and often not knowing which end is up!!! It's been an emotional roller coaster that quite frankly I'm sick of and so is everyone else around me....they jumped off the ride and I'm trapped on it! Someone rescue me! God.......will you take control and stop this madness?
Recently I was given a book called "The Shack," which spawned much of my turn around in faith and renewed reliance on my savior. It was an interesting read, and gave me a new perspective on my continued walk with Christ. The book is realistic fiction and had me laughing and crying all the way through. Today I find myself here, in a place of quiet contendedness in my solitude and for once I'm ok feeling alone because I know my God is always watching, listening, and waiting to greet me in my heart and thoughts even when the world has failed me and no one cares to hear my "drama" or invest in me anymore.
In this world, and to this world I am a failure. Many days I look in the mirror wondering why I am still here and if I will ever know my purpose. I had so many hopes and dreams and aspirations for my life that I failed to reach, failed to work for, and gave up on. There are days it's all I can do to force myself out of bed to trudge on through the tasks of the day and to look up and reach up for energy and strength. I often turn to music for inspiration, and to lift my spirits. Today I am combining my love for music, and singing in my reflective time to inspire my writing.
Over the years there have been times that writing has provided the only outlet where I am free to say what is on my heart in a language that reflects my true self. Nothing implied, just my thoughts, my feelings put in black and white. I am not an eloquent speaker and often I have been accused of coming across harsh, or abrasive, bold, pushy, domineering, and many other negative things that reflect a person I don't feel I am. For most of my life I have felt misunderstood and perceived exactly opposite of what I was trying to convey.
Ok, enough of all that, but it's why I'm here. I have a lot of thoughts, and my mind never stops...so here I am, in an effort to save the ears of others and prevent the word vomit that sometimes erupts when I just want to be heard or acknowledged or validated. I don't even care if anyone reads this......at least I'm getting it out of me, like a purging!
So, lately because of feeling so alone and misunderstood and often criticized for just being myself, I've gotten so depressed and reflective....what is wrong with me? Why do I never feel loved and respected or even acknowledged for anything positive? What is the attitude that I'm conveying that seems to detract people over time and push them away from intimacy in a friendship or relationship with me? Looking back on my life, I can remember all the way back to third grade feeling like no one really liked me and the ones who did eventually shunned me, ignored me, or just ceased being my friends. I've always been very sensitive....and yet people see me as strong....really? Crazy, that thing we call perception, eh?
This brings me to the thought....if God is LOVE, and loves me 100%, 100% of the time....am I reflecting that love to others as I am instructed to do? Does every thought, action, and deed reflect His love? Of course, the answer is no! So, what steps do I need to take in order to change how I behave, speak, and reach out to others so I can convey God's love in my life, express gratitude and serve others?
Back to basics:
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
In reflection and asking myself, so....self....how are you going to apply this scripture. As I draw a blank....I am guided back to how LOVE is defined (verses 4-7). IN everything I do and say, to mentally guide myself to internally ask: is what I'm doing/saying reflecting patience and kindness? am I being boastful, or jealous, or proud, rude, or selfish? Am I giving way to others or holding a grudge? Am I praising truth? Am I perservering no matter what and never giving up even if my love is not requited? No, I'm not capable to love as Christ loves us, and I'm not able to give the ultimate self sacrifice of life to show others love. But, in order to reflect God's love manifested in me, I must LIVE intentionally in LOVE, and do all things with LOVE as my motivation. That sounds incredibly challenging, right? I know.....I'm struggling with it, too. How do I see others who have hurt me, lied to me, and angered me through the eyes of Christ and love them anyway? How to I exhibit patience and kindness when my children or pushing all my buttons and being disobedient, blatantly? hmmmm
Do I disappoint God, disobey, and live selfishly for my own desires and to further my own life? Do I anger God, have I lied to God, and have I hurt him with my actions and words that do not reflect HIS love? I am just as guilty of all these things against God and others yet, God still loves me and is patient with me, and lets me have my way whether it's a good choice or not. He looks down in love, has given me the bible for instruction, and yet still I beat my own path. No wonder it's just a hot mess in my life!!! Sin is it's own punishment. God desires for us to live life to the fullest and enjoy all he has created, yet his guidelines are there to provide (for those of us more tempted) from overdoing it or stepping into dangerous territories. Too much of a good thing can indubitably become sin.
I am reminded that walking with Him, talking with Him, and continually seeking His guidance in every step I take is the shelter I need to keep me on/in his purpose. Living in His love, and having a relationship with my savior is the only thing that keeps me sane. The insanity is when I walk in sin and leave Christ on the outside instead of the center. I am as a child, holding his hand and looking up for assurance and hope and love from the Father. I run to him when my way fails.....again and again. And he still stands with open arms....cleaning out my wounds and kissing my forehead, and holding me close to show me His LOVE endures forever.